An early morning at Staples. Cathy and Jake are pacing again forth down the overcomplicated printer aisle.
JAKE: I like you, Cathy.
CATHY: It is best to.
JAKE: However I hate being right here.
CATHY: There are too many printers.
JAKE: So much.
CATHY: All of them do various things.
JAKE: They do.
CATHY: What are we in search of?
JAKE: What?
CATHY: What’s most essential?
JAKE: Printing.
CATHY: All of them print, ass.
JAKE: Do all of them print nicely?
CATHY: How the fuck am I speculated to know how they print. They’re sitting on a shelf. We purchase one, we take it residence, we join it, it prints. That’s after we be taught how they print.
JAKE: We might learn evaluations.
CATHY: From who?
JAKE: Whom.
CATHY: Fuck you.
JAKE: Opinions from folks. On the web.
CATHY: Do you assume we must always actually be trusting the varieties of people that evaluate printers on the web?
JAKE: The best way I see it –
CATHY: See what?
JAKE: Let me end.
CATHY: Okay.
JAKE: The best way I see it, now we have two choices. We are able to purchase considered one of these dependable guys. Nothing thrilling. You hit print; they print. You realize what you’re getting, in commonplace black and white.
CATHY: That are these?
JAKE: This right here, the Rivera1985, or the HP-Carroll73. Regular.
CATHY: Is that what we’re in search of? Regular?
JAKE: It’s an possibility.
CATHY: What’s the opposite possibility?
JAKE: One in every of these newer, sexier machines. One in every of these machines that may do an entire vary of issues.
CATHY: Inform me extra. Inform me extra about what they’ll do.
JAKE: Are you getting turned on?
CATHY: (mendacity) No.
JAKE: Are you getting turned on within the fucking printer aisle at Staples?
CATHY: (nonetheless mendacity) I’m not.
CATHY walks over to a big printer and runs her smooth palms over it.
CATHY (cont’d): What does this one do?
JAKE: Cathy –
CATHY: It’s so massive.
JAKE: Sufficient.
CATHY: I’m unsure our workplace might even deal with it.
JAKE: Cathy, focus!
CATHY: Woo. (takes a breath) Okay.
JAKE: Are you targeted?
CATHY: Certain.
JAKE: You’re not!
CATHY: I simply need to have my palms on it.
JAKE: Cathy…
CATHY: I’ll cease.
JAKE: Will you?
CATHY: I cannot.
JAKE: I actually don’t need to be on this aisle all day.
CATHY: The printers.
JAKE: Proper.
CATHY: What do you like?
JAKE: I believe we’d like a brand new, sexier possibility.
CATHY: Sure.
JAKE: This right here, the Johnson –
CATHY: Johnson?!
JAKE: It’s very nicely regarded. So is the Monken3000.
CATHY: So what’s stopping us?
JAKE: Custom. Historical past. It’s simply not one thing now we have completed, Cathy.
CATHY: Jake, we’ve all the time completed what we’ve completed and you realize what occurs?
JAKE: What?
CATHY: We find yourself again on this aisle taking a look at new printers.
JAKE: You’re proper.
CATHY: So, perhaps it’s time we alter our strategy.
JAKE: I agree.
CATHY: Good.
JAKE: I like you.
CATHY: It is best to.
Finish of scene.
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